Thursday, September 25, 2014

DUI

Me to holding cell camera: Yes, you can delay bonding me out and ‘accidentally’ detain me overnight until arraignment.  But after that, I’ll still be rich… And you’ll still be working at the jail.

Fitness

Being nice to look at exposes you to every person even shallower than you.  (The rest are arguably too stupid to even know the difference…)

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Naked

You don’t even exist online without naked pictures…  And if you can’t exist, then you’re never getting laid.

Sex

One shudders considering the number with similar sexual history knowing even less about women…

A Pretty Face Is Better Than Money

Mine is not but it’s not ugly, so, extrapolating…

Travel Well…

OK.  OK.  Already?!  So I can’t date (married) but the rules at least allow for travelling (vacation crushes) well…

You've Still Got It!

No matter how bad you look on TV, America, always remember no one really gave a fuck when Britain contracted either…

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Gone Away…

I’m terribly sorry to say this, Existence, but your orifices increasingly stop oozing hope over time…