Top Ten Things About Being Human

1. Paid sick leave.
2. There's always more cheese.
3. Knowing there's got to be something marvelous about obesity.
4. Pets, children and other really dumb things you can easily master.
5. Most of the internet is devoted to de-stigmatizing elimination.
6. Not feeling, but rather controlling, the Bern.
7. Poetry is one notch above boredom.
8. Women obviously hate you. But at least you know why.
9. The battle is over. Kim Jong Un has all the titles.
10. Twitter can lose money longer than you can stay popular.